No Bull: I Want Dreyfus Abs
First off, thanks for reading, or at least reading my first sentence before realizing that you wanted to read Mike Robertson’s section instead. No hard feelings.
Secondly, I want to tell a little about what you can expect from my section. Sometimes it will have a lot to do with fitness. Sometimes, it will have very little to do with fitness, and a lot of times it will fall somewhere in between. Leigh’s told me that I can say anything I want (FLzine.com SUCKS!) and I promise that at one point or another you will at least be slightly offended by something I write. (Of course, that’s entirely dependent on your continued readership. I sincerely hope that my section will become a regular stop on this series of tubes for you. With the way things are going right now, the least I can do is distract you for a few minutes) I’m often irreverent and politically incorrect, but I promise to attempt to try my best to be tactful. Honest.
Anyway, let’s get it on.
Ridiculous Airbrush of the Week: Did anyone see Julia-Louis Dreyfus on the cover of Shape magazine?
What the fuck? Someone photoshopped the abs of Zeus on that woman. Granted, even though she’s probably had a little work done, she looks great for 48. But what 48 year old woman has those abs? (Please do not send me any pictures of roided up female bodybuilders. I’d like to keep my testosterone levels where they are) It would have been slightly more believable if she didn’t have no-squat thighs. Then again, maybe she’s following the uber-popular crunch ‘n cardio plan. With lattes for breakfast.
Ridiculous Airbrush of the Week II: Speaking of magazine covers, Mischa Barton graces the cover of FHM this month. Yes, this is the same magazine that recently had Stacy Keibler on the cover. Quick, what’s one thing that they don’t have in common? If you answered “the gym,” you win! I pity the person that had to airbrush this.
OMG! Steroids!: The Dancing With the Stars that we all know and love is now tainted forever. Singer and songwriter Jewel, who is a contestant on the season that starts next week, has been battling knee tendonitis, and is sticking needles in her ass to compensate. If she wins, I hope that there is a giant asterisk affixed to the disco ball trophy. No word if Jewel’s steroid abuse will pressure the other contestants to ask Lawrence Taylor for the hookup.
Fitness Video of the Week: This is well worth your time.
Random Non-Fitness Thought: Whoever the producer is that decided to only play Bruce Springsteen and Dierks Bentley songs in the transitions to and from commercials during NASCAR races on ESPN deserves a huge raise.
Nick Bromberg has written for the Kansas City Star, The Big Lead, The Sports Frog and other websites and publications. Nick graduated from the University of Missouri Journalism school in May of 2008 with a degree in News Editorial. Nick is currently studying for his C.S.C.S and has attended the JPFitness Summit for the past four years, an event he loves so much that he’s hosting the 2009 edition in Kansas City, MO. You can find Nick hanging out online at the FLzine forums, The Sports Frog and the JPFitness Forums.
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