They said what? Weekly World Abs?
There is nothing I can say that will make this article better. In fact, I am just going to comment where I feel I need to.
A team of trainers has announced over the course of every issue of Men’s Health magazine that abdominal definition is possible for the average newsstand shopper.
OMG, finally after all this time!
The findings have, do, and will seemingly perpetually show that a diet low in saturated fats, combined with a rigorous target training program, greatly increases the probability that you will be able to grate Parmesan on your chest.
But doesn’t parmesan cheese have saturated fat? Shouldn’t be grating that stuff on your abs then, right? What if the saturated fat, the KILLER OF THE ABZ, seeps in through osmosis?!
“Inside: the secret to the kind of abs the ladies will love,” said managing editor Nate Callaghan, not bothering to specify volume, issue, or page number. “Take five minutes a day for a new you.”
“Repetition is the soul of sexy,” Mr. Callaghan added.
Wha, huh?
Observers say this breakthrough, stale and obvious though it may be, could serve an important purpose for the future of male-female relations.
“As it is, men have an increasingly tenuous hold on female sexuality,” commented prominent behavioral scientist Winston Cockburn of the University of Chicago. “For men, driving yourself towards abnormal extremes—no pun intended—could be a way of warding off the looming demise of our species.”
For those who didn’t quite pick up on that stroke (no pun intended) of genius, Dr. is saying that getting the hot abs is key to human survival.
Dr. Cockburn attributes this perpetual discovery to a growing realization of the inadequacy of the gender. Men, he reasons, do not find partners without a razor-sharp, diuretic-fueled hold on their body mass index.
This would help to explain why men outside the modeling industry have been unable to court female attention without the aid of wax molds, magazine cutouts glued to the chest, or carefully arranged mirrors.
They obviously have not been to this wedding.
“Obviously, alcohol is playing a crucial role here, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult to convince the modern woman that flab is fab,” concludes Dr. Cockburn.
Wha? Are we running out of the alcohol? Are females tolerance building up?
Personal trainer Mark Granger has seen a marked increase in business since the magazine’s ongoing announcement.
“We can bring you from gut to cut in six months, tops,” said Mr. Granger, “And it’s all thanks to the Men’s Health secret.”
Gut to cut eh? Even this guy?
Editors Note: Alan Aragon, we know you write for Men’s Health and we need confirmation on this story sir. Thank you.
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